


Catching My Breath

by a1_kitkat



Category: Westlife
Genre: Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Nicky loves Shane, Shane Loves Nicky, Shnicky - Freeform, Slash, Songfic, Tightrope - Album
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-04-13
Packaged: 2018-03-22 16:44:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3736231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1_kitkat/pseuds/a1_kitkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shane accidentally says the 'L' word to Nicky and fears it's too soon in the relationship</p>
            </blockquote>





	Catching My Breath

I cannot speak, I can barely hear you  
My world spins around in silent slow mode  
Could you please repeat these words I swear you now seem to utter so softly to me  
Confusion stares blankly as you ask if I do  
Your frustration's confirmation that you said I love you 

 

The two singers stopped outside the door to Nicky’s room. The blonde nervously shuffled his feet, unsure how to proceed from here. Shane was still holding his hand, having taken hold of it in the lift, and Nicky wasn’t ready to let go just yet… Despite the risk of being seen by someone they shouldn’t. Nicky smiled at Shane as he reached into his pocket and retrieved his room key. He unlocked the door and pushed it open; the couple hesitated in the doorway.  
Nicky wanted to kiss Shane goodnight but they couldn’t do it out in the hall. He wanted to invite him in but didn’t want Shane to misinterpret the invitation. They had only been dating for a few weeks and were taking things slow… Very slow.

“You want to come inside for a coffee?” Nicky asked Shane.  
“Sure, Nicky” Shane smiled. “I’d love to”

They both went inside and Shane closed the door. They each removed their jackets and Nicky tossed them onto the bed. He told Shane to sit down while he boiled the kettle. Nicky was surprised Shane had agreed to coffee as neither of them were too keen on the drink… But they did have an early start the following morning and they had been drinking earlier so it seemed a sensible thing to do.

Neither of them spoke as Nicky busied himself with the kettle, sugar sachets and thimble-sized milk servings. He stirred the two mugs before picking them up and making his way over to Shane. The younger boy smiled gratefully at Nicky as he accepted the hot drink while Nicky sat down on the couch beside him. The two singers sat close together as they nursed the warm drinks.

“I had a really nice time tonight” Shane spoke up.  
“Me too” Nicky agreed.  
“So… Are we still counting how many dates we’ve had…? Six is it? Or was tonight’s seven?”  
“You’ve been counting?”  
“You haven’t?”

They both laughed. Nicky was the first to stop and he lifted his mug for a drink. The liquid was still hot and he could feel it burning his throat. He coughed and spluttered before putting the cup down on the table. Shane watched him, a slight twinkle in his eye.

“Hot” Nicky panted, waving his hand in front of his mouth.  
“I can see that” Shane smiled. “You want me to kiss it better?”  
“You could try” Nicky pouted.

 

Please forgive me I was just catching my breath  
Blown away by every part of life making sense  
Shaken by the dream that we're sleeping the four letter word that is all,  
Hopelessly gone  
I fall 

 

Shane smiled and put his drink down next to Nicky’s. He turned to his boyfriend and leaned forward, bringing their lips together. The blonde parted his lips and welcomed Shane’s tongue into his mouth. It wasn’t long before Nicky forgot all about the too-hot coffee he’d nearly choked on and he lost himself in Shane’s embrace. Several minutes passed before Shane pulled away.

“Can you hear that?” Shane asked him.  
“Hear what?” Nicky replied,

The brunette stood up and walked over to the window. He opened the door and stepped onto the small balcony. Nicky stepped up beside him and they both paused. The sky was lit up by a series of fireworks. They both moved closer to the railing for a better look.

“What do you think the occasion is?” Nicky asked.  
“I’ve no idea” Shane replied.  
“It’s beautiful”  
“Just like you” 

In the moonlight, Shane could see Nicky was blushing. The brunette reached out and took hold of Nicky’s hand. The older boy looked at him, their eyes lingering. Nicky smiled affectionately at his boyfriend as Shane brought Nicky’s hand up to his lips and gently kissed it.

“Thank you” Shane whispered.  
“What for?” Nicky asked, confused.  
“The perfect night”  
“Perfect…”  
“Nix… Everyday that I spend with you is a perfect one”

Nicky smiled and leaned closer, bringing their lips together in a loving embrace. They were quick to separate and turn their attention back to the fireworks. The younger boy slowly reached out and placed his arm around Nicky’s waist. He felt the blonde relax in his arms and he smiled to himself. The couple stood together, holding each other, as they stared up at the fireworks display.

“This really is the perfect night” Nicky whispered to Shane.  
“Told you so”

 

This coffee's still hot, but time is frozen  
I'd say makes you, but that's unspoken  
I wish that this shot could be replaced  
Whenever we lose sight of all that we've got  
Illusion is now real but the shock is still here  
I do my best to keep control and fight back ten million tears 

 

All too soon, the mystery fireworks ended. The couple returned to the couch and their forgotten coffees. Shane picked his up and settled back down. Nicky left his on the table but curled up on the couch beside the brunette, resting his head on Shane’s shoulder while the younger boy draped his arm around Nicky’s shoulders.

They both fell silent again. Shane quietly sipped his coffee. The blonde stifled a yawn then closed his eyes, content to remain in Shane’s arms all night. The younger boy stared down at the blonde and smiled.  
‘I love you so much’ Shane thought to himself.

Nicky’s eyes flew open. He stared down at his steaming mug of coffee and wondered if Shane had really just said what he thought he’d heard him say. He tried to keep up the pretense that he was sleeping… Unbeknownst to Nicky, Shane could see his reflection in the mirror. The brunette realized that he’d accidentally spoken aloud… And that Nicky was awake and must have heard him. 

The blonde tried to remain still. He felt it was important Shane not know he heard him… He just wasn’t sure why he felt that. Perhaps because he’s wasn’t entirely sure what Shane had said. His voice had been barely more than a whisper. Had Shane just said the L word? 

Nicky dared not to look at Shane; he didn’t know the brunette was still watching him in the mirror. As for Shane, he wasn’t sure what to do next. He hadn’t meant to say those words aloud but now that he had, he knew he meant them… But Nicky hadn’t said anything in response. Nicky had, in fact, been pretending not to have heard him. Shane wondered if Nicky hadn’t really heard him but he doubted it. His lips had been mere inches from Nicky’s ear. In that moment, he feared the blonde must have heard him… Why else would he be pretending to be asleep when he wasn’t?

Nicky’s heart was beating in his chest. He wasn’t sure what to do. Deep down, he knew that this was inevitable. Sure, they had only been together for a few weeks but, to Nicky, it felt right. In his heart he knew he belonged to Shane. He had just always assumed he’d be first to admit his feelings aloud, not Shane.

The brunette decided the damage was done and he carefully kissed Nicky’s forehead. He then slowly stood up, easing himself out from underneath the blonde. He gently lie the older boy down on the couch then walked over to the bed. Shane pulled the blanket from the bed and returned to Nicky’s side. He placed the blanket over the blonde then gave him one last kiss before picking up his jacket and heading for the door.

 

Please forgive me I was just catching my breath  
Blown away by every part of life making sense  
Shaken by the dream that we're sleeping the four letter word that is all,  
Hopelessly gone  
I fall 

 

The older boy didn’t move, continuing to pretend to be asleep. He heard Shane’s footsteps as he crossed the room. The door opened then closed and Nicky knew the brunette had left him. He sighed then opened his eyes… And saw Shane. The brunette was standing behind the door, looking at him with tears in his eyes.

Their eyes met. Shane blinked back tears as Nicky stared at him with his deep expressive eyes. The brunette could see fear in his eyes… While Nicky could see the pain he’d caused in Shane’s. In an instant, everything fell into place. Nicky realized Shane *had* said those three precious words to him. And Shane realized the blonde *had* heard him… And not said it in return.

“Nix” Shane began.  
“Shay“ Nicky started.  
They both stopped, each unsure of what to say next.  
“Night Nicky” Shane finished.

The brunette turned and reached for the doorknob, unable to see it through his tears.  
Nicky remained frozen to the spot, unable to move or speak. He stared down at the warm coffee that Shane had abandoned… He could see steam still rising from the contents and he blinked back tears of his own. Shane had taken a big step and now he was leaving him!

“No” Nicky whispered. “Shane!”

The younger boy stopped his fruitless attempt at finding the doorknob and turned to face Nicky. As the blonde stared at him, he realized just how much he loved him.

“Shane!” Nicky sobbed. “Please don’t go”  
“Nix” Shane whispered.  
“I’m sorry”  
“Forget it”  
“I can’t… I’m so sorry. Please, forgive me”  
“Forgive you… For what?”

Nicky moved towards Shane. He slowly reached out and placed his hand on the younger boy’s shoulder. Shane was trembling. Nicky gently ran his hand down Shane’s arm and took hold of his hand. They stood, unmoving, for several minutes until Shane slowly lifted his face. Nicky could see the pain in his eyes and his heart broke.

 

Fall into your arms, so scared (so please don't hurt me)  
Know that my heart will stay here (and is safe with you)  
I can't say all that I feel, so take this kiss for all the words I mean to offer you 

 

“I heard you” Nicky confessed. “I did… But I wasn’t sure…”  
“It just slipped out” Shane admitted.  
“You didn’t mean it?”  
“I did… I do… It just seemed like the right time…”  
“It was”  
“But you didn’t… Didn’t say anything…”  
“I wanted to but… I couldn’t”  
“You don’t feel the same way?”  
“No, I do. Shane… I swear I do… It’s just that…”

Nicky pulled Shane to him, one hand holding Shane’s. He lifted his other hand and placed it on the brunette’s cheek. He looked into the younger boy’s eyes and blinked back tears of his own.  
“Hearing you say those words to me” Nicky said. “Shay, it took my breath away”

Shane leaned in; preparing to kiss Nicky’s lips, but the older boy stopped him. The brunette looked at him, questioningly.

“Nix?” Shane asked in confusion.  
“I love you” Nicky insisted. “I’m sorry; I couldn’t let you kiss me until I’d said it too… I love you”  
“I love you too”

Shane leaned in once more and brought their lips together in a gentle kiss. They could bother taste the lingering saltiness of their tears on each other’s lips. Nicky wrapped his arms around Shane and pulled him close, melding their bodies together. Shane moved away from the door, pushing Nicky towards the bed.

For the next few minutes they lost themselves in each other’s embrace. Their hands began to claw at their clothes, both desperate to be naked and wrapped around each other. As Shane struggled with the zip on Nicky’s jeans, they reached the edge of the bed and both fell on top of the mattress with Shane on top of Nicky.

The sudden change in position caused them both to pause. They parted, ever so slightly, and stopped to catch their breath.

 

Please forgive me I was catching my breath  
Confusion stares blankly as you ask if I do 

 

“Let’s not do this” Nicky whispered.  
“Do what?” Shane asked.  
“This... Not yet!”  
Nicky carefully sat up, forcing Shane to roll off him. The brunette lay down on the mattress beside the blonde.  
“Nicky… What…?” Shane began.  
“I’m sorry; I should have said it first”  
“It’s okay, Nix”  
“No”

Nicky turned and looked down at Shane. He met his eye and took a deep breath.  
“I lost someone, once, before I could tell them how I felt” Nicky confessed. “My first year out of school… It was a car accident and he didn’t make it. He died not knowing how I really felt about him and I promised myself I wouldn’t let that happen again”  
“Oh Nicky” Shane whispered.  
“So when you said it just then… I just froze, I felt like I couldn’t breathe… I just needed to catch my breath…”  
“You were just going to let me leave… Because I said I love you first?”  
“I’m sorry, you took me by surprise”  
“When you didn’t say anything… I was scared you didn’t feel the same… I mean, I know we haven’t… You know...”  
“Shay, I don’t care about that”  
“You mean you don’t want to…?”  
Nicky giggled. “Of course I want to with you… I’m just not ready to rush it. That’s why I didn’t tell you how I felt; I thought you’d think I was getting ahead of myself”  
“Nix, I’ve loved you since the first time you kissed me” Shane admitted.  
“Really?”  
“Yeah… I was just waiting for the right time to tell you so”  
“That was years ago… And we were drunk”  
“I didn’t care… I knew how I felt… That’s why I was so scared when you didn’t say anything!”  
“I didn’t know… I’m so sorry”

Shane sat up and reached out for Nicky’s hand.  
“Don’t be sorry, Nix” Shane said. “Just don’t ever scare me like that again”  
“I won’t… Scare you I mean” Nicky replied. “I love you… More than words can say”

The blonde leaned forward and caught Shane’s lips in a hard, furious kiss. It took a moment for Shane to recover and return Nicky’s eager kiss. For the next few minutes they exchanged several long, intense embraces until they reluctantly separated, both singers panting for breath.

“It’s late” Shane said. “I should go”  
“No” Nicky whispered. “Stay”  
“What?” Shane asked.  
“Stay with me tonight…”  
“Nicky-“  
“Please, Shay? I just want you to hold me… I… I want to… To feel your arms around me as I fall asleep”  
Shane nodded his head but Nicky wasn’t looking at him.

“I want you to be here when I wake up in the morning…” Nicky finished.  
“And I want to be here when you wake up” Shane whispered. “But what if one of the lads finds out?”  
“I don’t care. I want you here with me… I need you here, Shay”  
“Then of course I’ll stay with you Nix” he said. Nicky smiled, lovingly, at the brunette.  
“Shane?” Nicky asked.  
“Nix?”  
“I love you!”  
It was Shane’s turn to smile, lovingly at the blonde.  
“I know you do” he pressed a kiss to Nicky’s check. “I love you too”

 

Awoken by the dream that we're sleeping  
The four letter word that is all  
Hopelessly gone  
I fall

**Author's Note:**

> Written as part of the 'Stephanie McIntosh' album challenge wherein I'm attempting to write a fic for every song on her album
> 
> Bonus Track - Catching My Breath


End file.
